


The Color that Twilight Dyed

by Veynn



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Angst, At least Varian's probably good at archery, Elevators don't exist in Tangled but welp, Hurt/Comfort, I'll add more characters to the tag as we go along, They totally exist here, Varian Needs a Hug (Disney)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:40:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23850196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veynn/pseuds/Veynn
Summary: He still had so much to accomplish. His whole future was ahead of him; it just wasn’t fair. The happy ending that had eluded him for so long was within his grasp. After everything that he had been through, he should not be dead at sixteen.---Varian wakes up on a train with no memories other than his name and a desire to fulfill a promise.
Comments: 25
Kudos: 68





	1. The Train to Nowhere

“Where am I?” Varian awakens to the sound of a steam engine. The cacophony of metal against metal should be grating on his ears, but he finds a sort of solace from the tune. Afterall, he’d have to be used to such sounds with his line of work. His bangs have fallen over his face, but upon brushing them away, he is confronted with the reality of his situation.

Somehow he had woken up in a train. He does not know how or why this has happened, but unease washes over him as he attempts to look out a window. The sky beyond the confines of the metallic contraption is a lovely shade of blue and lavender. The sight should bother him, but a strange feeling of melancholy sprung up to the forefront of his mind as he continues to gaze at the sky. Varian knows there is something he was supposed to do…a task, a promise……

He knows that whatever this task may be, it is crucial to his very well-being. Or, maybe someone else’s. The thought continues to nag at his mind, but are quelled with a resounding screech as the train is jolted to a halt.

There is obvious fear to be had here, but Varian cannot ignore the growing curiosity he feels towards this rapid change of events. As he gets up from his seat and opens the door connecting his cart to the rest of the train, a solid gray and white blur darts past his line of vision.

Varian stares for but a mere moment, racking his brain for any recollections of what he had just witnessed.

While he stands motionless at the edge of his cart, the blur had stopped in its descent towards destinations unknown. The fluffy gray creature chatters as it turns its head back towards Varian, almost as if it is beckoning him to follow.

The creature is looking at him with large, black eyes—seemingly, it recognizes him.

As Varian continues to look at the fluffy critter, realization soon dawns on him. The creature, it happens to be a raccoon.

“Ruddiger!!?” Varian exclaims, bewildered and yet, gratefully relieved he had found a friendly face in this peculiar locomotive. How could he have ever forgotten Ruddiger? Honestly, he’d find it absolutely unforgivable to not recognize his loyal companion.

“I’m sorry, buddy. I’ll make it up to you when we get home,” the alchemist says as he picks up the raccoon. “You can have all the apples you want.”

_Though, it’s strange…has Ruddiger always been this light? He practically weighs nothing._

Shaking the observation out of his mind, Varian searches for the exit. The train is rather unremarkable in design. At the very least, it seems sleek and minimalist. He ponders for a moment. Perhaps whoever had designed this train sacrificed style for functionality and speed?

All things considered, such thoughts are not exactly necessary here, but he had always been a truth seeker at heart. He looks around, but…there is nothing. The train is unlit from the inside. The chairs scattered across the floor almost seem ghost-like, what with how the twilight sky casts the inanimate passengers in an eerie purple hue. They all seem impossibly tall. Really, they may be chairs, but Varian cannot help but find them eerie from merely a glance.

Thankfully, his prayers are soon answered. At the end of the long, unending train corridor, is a door.

“Looks like we’ve found the exit, Ruddiger.” Varian smiles, and Ruddiger pats his face in response.

Upon reaching the only available exit door in this strange, peculiar, odd train, Varian is surprised to find that it has opened without any physical input, as if it were moved by an unseen specter.

_Hm, I’ll have to look into that. Is it a pulley and lever trick of some kind?_

As he exits the train, Ruddiger immediately jumps out of his arms. Bewildered, the alchemist chases after the raccoon, paying little regard to the unchanging landscape of endless purple skies and much less else in the way of scenery.

His steps gradually come to a halt as he catches the raccoon. “Gotcha, Ruddiger!”

The fluffy raccoon points towards the horizon, and so, Varian turns.

“What the—”

Somehow, this train…this mysterious, terrifying train that he does not remember boarding, it has lead him to the largest structure he had ever seen in his life. The building is rather simple, but it does not matter when compared to its ridiculous height. Even the great walls of Corona’s castle does not compare to this large, windowless building. It has well-past surpassed anything of that scope—both in Corona and other kingdoms both known and unknown.

Looking up, he can see that the building has gone well past the clouds, and if he is being honest with himself, maybe even well beyond them. With their great height, he wouldn’t be surprised if they could touch the moon.

“Ruddy, isn’t this great? It’s so tall, almost like we’re in heaven…” Varian frowns, taking note once again of Ruddiger’s weight in his arms, or lack thereof. He turns his head towards the sky, only to be confronted with a vast emptiness. The wind is nonexistent; though he is sure it should be freezing at this time…during this month. Despite the grand nature of this monolith of a structure, there does not appear to be anyone else in sight.

As far as he can tell, the only living creatures for miles are merely Ruddiger and himself. More alarmingly, he still cannot recall what exactly he had been doing before boarding that train. It certainly was important, he _knows_ it was, but…why can he not remember?

_Imagine falling from such a great height_ , he muses to himself. His heart aches. There is a person. Someone who had been important to him, or maybe not? It is impossible to recall.

A loud, harsh yell burns into his ears, the sensation of falling, and….nothing.

Instinctively, Varian steps back, nearly toppling over in the process. Ruddiger looks at him in concern. He may be imagining it, but he swears his raccoon companion has a knowing look on his face. The raccoon lightly taps his nose.

Varian laughs, but he is still unsure of what exactly it is he had gotten himself into. There is an inkling idea of what this place may be, but he does not even want to consider his theory.

“Are you ready, Ruddiger?”

He steps into the building, wary of where it will take him.

_Oh well, it’s now or never._

\---

Varian sighs. He hadn’t wanted to stay in that [rather ingenious] metal box for as long as he had, but upon inspecting the buttons(?), Ruddiger had reached one tiny paw out and pressed on the button for the seventy-seventh floor. Frankly, he almost wishes boredom had been gnawing at him instead of this growing anxiety.

Boredom has always been his worst enemy, but at least it was not a stranger. If he could go back, he’d welcome boredom with open arms as he would do with a long lost friend.

Unfortunately, as he was left with nothing else but an empty, metallic box and a raccoon who had long since gone silent, all he could do was think. The idea was overwhelming and unfathomable, but he had faced worse situations…

Or, maybe not worse, but stranger, certainly.

This building, everything that he had encountered [or, not, for that matter], it was all leading towards one idea.

Is it possible that he……?

The silver doors of the metallic death trap suddenly open with a chime. Looking towards the number inscribed by the buttons, he sees that they had now reached their intended destination.

Ruddiger looks at him knowingly.

“Alright, I guess this is our stop.” Varian steps out of the peculiar contraption, only to land onto a polished, tile floor. The interior of this building is as dark and purple as the sky outside—a room bathed in twilight, and once again, there is a nostalgic feeling of melancholy to be had.

This floor reminds him so much of Corona, but there is something…off about it. Nothing about its purple walls are as warm and inviting as the graffiti laden interior of the castle, but there is nothing to be said. As he continues to traverse the strange floor, away from the metallic box that had whisked him away from such a large height, and….there it is again.

He cannot shake off the foreboding feeling that had arisen ever since he had discovered this building.

_Why am I so scared_ , Varian wonders to himself. _I was never afraid of heights, so why am I—?_

_Unless, maybe……_

“Hi there, Varian! You must be tired; why don’t you have a seat?” a woman welcomes him, tone bright and kind.

He could recognize that voice anywhere. But, this cannot be. Rapunzel should not be here. There is a warm smile painted atop her face, and she is garbed in the purple dresses she loves so much. But…this _should_ not be possible.

Beautiful, kind, compassionate Rapunzel…should not be here. She cannot be here, in whatever netherworld this building resides in.

She is the same as ever, as her bright green eyes gaze at him in consideration. Nothing has changed, but that is what is so alarming with the princess. Her hair, which should be short and brown, is…different.

Rapunzel’s golden locks have returned, and they are as long as unmanageable as he’d remembered. There is no possibility for this return to have happened—she had reclaimed her right to normalcy after the sundrop and moonstone were sent away, and Zhan Tiri had vanished……

The only explanation here is that…this ‘Rapunzel’ is not the one he had grown to love as an older sister.

“You’re not Rapunzel, are you,” Varian says, alarmed. Ruddiger had long since left his side and is now seated atop the counter the ‘princess’ is standing behind. She has raised one hand to pet the raccoon. Her smile is still ever-present, but strangely enough, he cannot detect a hint of malice or…something more sinister behind her gaze.

She is looking at him as one would with an old acquaintance.

Varian did not want to consider this possibility. He hoped it did not come to this, but alas, since when has luck been on his side?

He takes one deep, shaky breath.

“I’m….I’m dead, aren’t I?” There is a slight tremor in his voice as his eyes well in tears. He is smiling, but it is shaky and not entirely…there. It’s not fair. He wasn’t supposed to die at sixteen. Not at such a young age. There was still so much he wanted to do, inventions to build, feats to accomplish. He wishes for this to be a nightmare he’ll soon wake up from, but everything about this…realm. It feels too real. Too…lifelike.

“How did you figure it out?” Not Rapunzel says. “You weren’t supposed to remember your death.”

“I don’t remember how I died,” Varian responds, slowly but surely regaining his voice. Whatever this person is, she does not seem to harbor a desire to harm him. “But, everything is so off…nor do I have any other theories.”

_Everything about this place, nothing has added up since he had awoken aboard that train._

“Ah, this is unheard of. You’re quite the smart fellow, aren’t you?” Her eyes are looking far away. She seems so much like Rapunzel, but he knows no matter how much she looks and sounds like the princess, she is but a mere afterimage.

“I could have your memories erased and try again, but knowing how quickly you figured this out……” the golden-haired woman is muttering to herself some more. If he could, he’d leave, but…Varian is well aware he’d have nowhere else to turn.

“But…it will be a problem either way,” she mumbles.

She redirects her green-eyed gaze towards Varian once more. “How do you feel about playing a game?”

He looks towards her, at a complete and utter loss for words. “A…game?”

“Mm-hm. I’m not supposed to tell you this beforehand, but everything about your case is unorthodox,” she cheerfully explains. “You see, once humans die, they come here to be judged.”

She beckons towards him with the wave of a hand.

“While we do have your memories, they aren’t completely reliable in determining the essence of a person’s soul.” Ruddiger has approached him once more, though, Varian is certain this raccoon is not the one he had known these last few years.

“To determine what to do with your life, you must play a game in-order for us to decide.”

Varian…is stunned. _Why would a game be an indicator of my life?_

“I’ll tell you the truth. There is no heaven or hell,” Rapunzel’s doppelganger placidly states as if she were reading off of a grocery list.

_I suppose that’s good news_ , Varian somberly thinks to himself. _With everything I’ve done, I doubt I’d be……_

“When humans die, they’re either sent to the void or reincarnated.”

“So, what will it be?” She has her hands clasped together, head slightly tilted as she regards Varian with a warm smile.

_Honestly, he…does not care where his soul ends up._

_He’s already dead._

_What else does he have left to lose?_

“Alright, I’ll play,” Varian sighs. He should probably protest, but he knows it is hopeless. “What game will it be?”

Rapunzel laughs, but the sound does little to comfort him. “Oh, right, I forgot to mention. It’s a game decided by chance; no need to worry!”

“Also, you’ll be playing against one more person…he should be here, any moment now!”

_Wait, what?_

_Who could this other player possibly be……?_

Suddenly, there are footsteps. They are loud against the quiet nature of this isolated floor. And yet, there is a familiarity in the sound, though none that is…welcoming.

“Hey, doll, know where we’re at?”

\---

Varian looks towards ‘Rapunzel’ and…is surprised to find her seething. The ever-present smile is still plastered on her face, but it seems almost strained.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call me doll, sir.”

“Sorry, sorry,” the man laughs. He sits down on the booth, and Varian suddenly has the urge to get away from this stranger. Certainly, he thinks he would not forget anyone like this man, but there is something familiar about him……

It is a feeling he wishes to absolve.

“Are you two siblings?”

The familiar stranger has redirected his attention towards him, but—

A great height.

All Varian can see are stones and…

He is falling.

\---

“Alright then. To leave, all I need to do is play a game against the kid?” he drawls, clearly confident in his abilities.

“Yes.” _Rapunzel_ smiles, but it still looks strained. To most people, it would seem genuine, but…as one who had known the princess for years, Varian can easily tell when there is something amiss.

“By the way, what’s your name?”

The stranger is looking at him again. Their decided game is archery, but it is not the game that is bothering him.

Somehow, he knows this person….

“Varian,” he says.

“Weird name,” the stranger [but not really] muses.

He grabs an arrow, twirling it in his hands. “You can call me Andrew.”

Varian’s breath hitches. Where…had he heard that name before? He closes his eyes, and can almost recall rocks, yelling, and then an all encompassing silence.

Somehow, he had known this person.

But, if only he could remember……

_Traitors to Saporia pay with their lives._

The sinister words are playing in his mind like an incessant mantra, but that voice…he knows this man, Andrew, had said them, but why?

Wherever this game may take him, he knows Andrew is the key to learning more about his past.

Whatever it takes, he will solve the riddle of his death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never really written fanfiction before, though now, I wish I had. Thanks to quarantine I have been writing more than I ever did. This is a Death Parade AU, though very minor. No prior knowledge of that anime is necessary, though I did end up sobbing after finishing the series. Tbh, I'm still crying over that anime.
> 
> Also, I am clearly not obsessed with Tangled & angst. Nope, not at all.


	2. Forgiveness is a Double Edged Sword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Mild blood, suicidal thoughts and actions, major themes of death. There is also an illustration here with depictions of blood! I don't consider it to be graphic, but a warning just in case!

Varian doesn’t remember. He does not remember how he died, and the thought makes him sick. It makes sense, however. Why would he remember how or where he died? If he remembered, it would merely cause complications. But, there must be a reason to it. How awful must it have been? He’d always been scared of blood, a part of him knows the death must not have been good, and he shudders to think of what his had entailed.

The possibility of dying peacefully in his sleep was a luxury he could not consider. He was too young. Chances are that whatever had happened to him must have been too awful for him to remember.

_Stay away from him._ He looks towards Andrew. His mind is telling him to stay away. Run off to…anywhere else but here. It’s silly. He’s already dead, so what little difference would it make if he were to stay here? Even if Andrew was a murderer, he too, was already as dead as a doornail. Still, as he looks at the man—confident and poised as he sharpens his arrows, he cannot douse the growing dread that has engrossed his mind. Even ‘Rapunzel’ seemed to have suspicions…no, not suspicions, but disdain towards the man.

He may be dead, but he hasn’t lost his mind yet. Whatever had caused his death, he knows Andrew is related to it. In a game that will determine where his soul would be sent, it seems downright ludicrous to play against someone who had no bearing in his life. He is certain Andrew is related to a certain extent, but does he want to find out? What will he do with this knowledge if it were to be un-ideal?

“Hey, kid, may the best man win.” Andrew smiles at him, but it is all teeth. All sharp and jagged edges. He seems reassured in his victory, but it is not the game Varian is worried about.

The abruptness of Andrew’s words catches him off-guard. “Right…”

He cannot bring himself to say anymore. Too much is at stake; whatever false reassurances or pleasantries he could say would only sound hollow in his ears. But, he was raised to be polite. Varian reaches out a hand towards Andrew, but the man merely shoots him a look before turning away.

Perturbed, Varian lowers his gaze before turning towards his own set of arrows.

It is an unsettling feeling to know that the entirety of his very existence will be determined in less than an hour. But, with Rapunzel he feels a strange sort of comfort. This ‘Rapunzel’ is nothing more than an imitation, but she seems sincere, which Varian can appreciate…especially when compared to other lesser company.

Rapunzel gradually steps away from the targets nailed to the dark purple walls of this familiar and yet unfamiliar room. She looks towards Varian, a slight smile painted on her lips. The look seems to be one of reassurance.

_Everything will be alright_ , she seems to say through unspoken words.

And…perhaps they will be.

This facsimile of Rapunzel walks the thin veil of life and death. With everything he has seen and known in his short life, chances are, ‘Rapunzel’ could even view the future. Varian could almost laugh. It is hysterical for one so entrenched in science and alchemy to consider precognition, but—

Who knows?

The person (?) wearing Rapunzel’s face explains the rules, but Varian can only half-heartedly pat attention. He has already gotten the gist of it. The game seems simple enough, but he is sure there _must_ be a catch. Whoever hits all three of their targets with the highest accuracy wins the match. It is worrisome with how ‘easy’ this game is.

Andrew guffaws at the rules, rolling his eyes after listening to Rapunzel’s explanation. Varian swears he can see steam fuming from her head; it seems like the older man was close to hitting a fuse.

“You can go first,” Andrew says. He can tell with the mocking tone of his voice that he thinks Varian could not possibly win. Unfortunately, there is more here that is at stake.

There is a humorous irony to how seriously he is taking this so-called game. Unlike Varian, he does not remember that he is dead. All he thinks is that ‘Rapunzel’ will let them leave this building if he were to win, when the truth is far from it.

Varian frowns, before taking a deep breath.

He finds it odd that he can still breathe despite supposedly being dead, but he brushes those thoughts away. It is not important and he is more pressing matters on-hand. His light blue eyes fix on a target. The distance is almost too great. He narrows his eyes, bow and arrow feeling terribly heavy in his hands.

His hands move, and the arrow whirs through the air. It cuts through the air like a knife; merely a blur of gray and red. Before he even has time to comprehend his actions, the arrow had landed directly on the target. It was a perfect bull’s eye.

A slight smile graces his features, but it soon disappears with as an agonized scream pierces the otherwise silent room.

Varian drops the bow in shock, immediately rushing towards Andrew. The other man is holding onto the wall, one hand pressed over his heart.

Andrew is looking at him, eyes wild in…recognition?

_Are you alright_ is what Varian would like to ask. But he is merely shoved to the side as Andrew marches up to Rapunzel.

“Ah, right,” she says, a soft mirth laced in her voice. It turns out there were rules she had forgotten to explain. This game…as it is very short, whenever your arrow pierces the target, your opponent will experience pain. The closer it is to the center of the target, the greater your opponent will be hurt.

Varian is already well-aware they are dead. He has nothing left to lose, but Andrew? With the nearly insane and desperate expression plastered on his face, Varian knows his competitor will do whatever it takes to win.

Afterall, Andrew still thinks he is alive. 

“What the hell did you say!?” Andrew roars, one had still clutched over his heart. “When I agreed to play this stupid game, I never expected _this_.”

Not-Rapunzel merely shakes her head, a faint smile on her face. After failing to get the answers or escape that he sought, Andrew merely begrudgingly marches back to his place and picks up his bow and arrow.

He shoots, and—

Varian nearly doubles over. There is a pounding ache in his head, as if he had been run over by a carriage or hit with a frying pan.

Squinting through the ringing headache, he moves to hit the target, except……

One moment he is there, in this room…

And the next—

\---

Varian sighs, brows furrowed in frustration. He removes the scratched antique goggles from his eyes. They had done well to shield his face from the sharp branches of these woods, but regardless…he is still completely and utterly lost. He had been separated from Rapunzel and Eugene, and now—

What is he supposed to do?

He turns his head left and right, but there is little to see at this time of night. If he had his chemicals with him…any equipment, really, he could easily create a light source. But here, there is nothing. He had thought it best to leave Ruddiger behind. The raccoon is resourceful and can fend for himself, but he does not feel comfortable with taking him into potential danger.

That morning, he had received a threat. Andrew had escaped from prison, and it was telling that he was still out for blood. _His_ blood.

This was potentially one of the most idiotic things he had done in his life [and his previous mistakes had set the bar pretty high], but he wanted to take the reigns of his own fate. He could not let Rapunzel and Eugene face Andrew when it was he who had made an enemy out of the Saporian.

Quite some time had passed since he had seen those two. Varian had somehow made it to the edge of the woods. He looks down and…the way to the ground is very high. Considering his past experiences with heights, he chose not to dwell on it. He turned right, paying no attention to the steep cliff.

His footsteps had continued on, until—

A voice had called out to him.

Familiar, but…unpleasant.

His blood ran cold as he turned to look at the speaker. While prison had made his hair all greasy and clothing torn and wrinkled, he could still recognize that face anywhere. Somehow, Andrew had found him in woods as large as this one. Rapunzel and Eugene were nowhere in sight.

Varian knew this day would come. Eventually karma would catch up to him, but still. He did not want to die. Not when he had so much left to do.

As he looks at Andrew, who had come into possession of a bow and arrow [probably stolen, his mind uselessly interjects], he wishes he could apologize to his friends for all of the grief he knows his death will cause them.

\---

Just as quickly as that memory had reemerged, Varian found himself back in this peculiar death room.

He does not look at Andrew. Now, he knows it is the Saporian man who had caused his death. Varian has a pretty good idea as to how his death had come to fruition, but he still has a game to complete.

Stance straight, but shaky, he easily pierces the target dead-center. As he expected, Andrew once again uttered another scream of pain, blood rushing down his eyes.

Varian knows he should feel concerned. Perhaps, even happy, but…

As he gazes down at Andrew, he feels nothing.

The match continues on…Andrew had shot his arrow at the target once again, only to completely miss. Varian watches as he grits his teeth in frustration while ‘Rapunzel’ skips over and rips the arrow that had embedded itself into the wall.

Miraculously, as soon as the arrow was removed, the cracks had dissipated. In its place was undamaged and pristine granite.

Varian takes another deep breath that he is certain he should not have. His eyes lock onto the target, but…his arms falter. After this…only one more target and his fate will be determined.

_Do I want to do this?_

But, the answer is more complicated than that. It is more than ‘wanting’ or ‘needing.’ Logic dictates that he…not play into a death match organized by an entity wearing his friend’s face. It certainly would not entail agreeing to playing a mere game [even one as physically, emotionally, and mentally painful as this] against his murderer in-order to determine the next step his soul will take.

And it most certainly does not make sense to wish he could go back to his old life…considering he will never be able to gain it back.

Life is a one way street. He lived and he died.

At this point, he should not complain with the amount he had already been given. Against his better judgment, Varian turns his head towards Andrew…only to find that the Saporian man is not where he had been a moment before.

_Where did he go—_

Before his mind has time to process anything, Andrew had ripped the bow and arrow away from his hands. It is too late.

Varian opens his mouth. He is about to plead for it to be returned, but Andrew has already moved.

He looks down.

An arrow had pierced his chest.

Rapunzel looks absolutely livid. Oddly, he feels a sense of déjà vu. He thinks he has seen that face before.

\---

How had he not seen it before? Andrew had always been mad. Back when the Saporian had dangled him off of the ship and nearly dropped him onto the ground before. Even when they had agreed to work with each other in vengeance against Corona…When Varian had first met him in prison, Andrew was most certainly not a good person.

_Why had he not seen it before?_

He was sad and alone. Rapunzel, Cass, Eugene, the rest of Corona—they had abandoned him. Varian had…he had lost everything. He was recently orphaned and tossed away into the dungeons to be forgotten. Honestly, he thought he would have died there, sad and alone.

And…he’d hate to admit it, but he _would_ have died there. Had Andrew never spoken to him on the pretenses of false friendship, he knows he would not have made it there long. Whether by his own hand or an eventual execution once the crown realized they no longer felt enough pity to keep him alive.

Varian is certain he would have died earlier than expected.

It is sick and twisted, but he owes his life to the Saporian man he had once considered a friend. Their friendship may not have been real to him, but to Varian?

He does not take his friends lightly.

No words are exchanged. No pleasantries or mocking words. Andrew is silent. The normal two-faced grin he had constantly sported is nowhere to be seen. Nothing remains of the previous persona he had once known.

Andrew raises the bow and arrow. Varian makes to move, but he is too slow. In his tiredness, in his sorrow, he makes a miscalculation. He trips, cursing the clumsiness that he has known his whole life.

The arrow clips him on the arm, but—

They are both at the edge. It is far too easy for both of them to fall into the abyss. Talking sense into the man is hopeless. He knows he is doomed.

He had been blessed with extra time. At least, he had made amends with those he has wronged.

As Varian looks towards Andrew, he can see with a newfound clarity. Neither of them speaks. Even the cicadas one would normally hear at this time of year are silent. It is an eerie lull, but peaceful, in a way. He could have always had a worse death. Back, when the amber had engulfed his dad…when the black rocks had tore through earth and nearly cut into his flesh countless times.

He could have died in the blizzard after he had been thrown out of the castle. During those long months he had been alone, he…definitely would have died if Ruddiger were not there to stop him. And, he could have been hanged…he would have, were it not for his guilt and drive to absolve Corona of their memories.

At least he was able to apologize in the end. It is a small consolation, but, for once, Varian is content.

“I forgive you, Varian says. He swears he could see something—Andrew’s expression changes for the slightest second before it moves back to his original blank mask.

Varian’s thoughts are broken by a flash of red. A piercing, agonizing sensation through his chest—one he has never felt before or ever thought possible.

As he stumbles back, he thinks he hears a scream. It is hard to tell in his disoriented state. Blood is rushing through his ears, his vision, it is practically non-existent.

There is a sensation of falling…and then……

He is dead.

\---

As Varian wakes up to see Rapunzel, but not _his_ Rapunzel, staring at him with concern, except—

_Is it really?_

Everything he has ever had…he will never regain them.

Varian will never forgive him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm finally starting to settle on an art style to use now unlike when I wrote Season of Chrysanthemums. I kinda wanted to add more illustrations, but drawing that one thing was already painful enough. Poor Varian, I say...considering this is my fault.


	3. As I Wander Aimlessly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Blood, mild suicidal thoughts, death. There is also an illustration here with depictions of blood!

He had thought he could forgive. It’s what Rapunzel had done with him and Cass. And while he could never forget, he did forgive them both. Forgive and forget, but as those final moments replay in his head, he can do neither. Perhaps it was adrenaline, or maybe he wanted to part from the world on good terms. With the bleak uncertainty of the unknown bleeding into his consciousness, he had thought he could forgive Andrew. Afterall, how we he supposed to know there was an afterlife of sorts?

Dying, he could handle. But waking up? Unfathomable. Regaining a second chance at ‘life’ had done nothing more than reopen still fresh wounds.

The room is spinning before his very eyes as his voice gets stuck in his throat. He can’t breathe, which is ironic and somewhat creepy considering he is already dead. His murderer is stuck in this room with him, and Varian can still feel the phantom sting from where the arrow had embedded itself into his flesh from when he had been alive. While the arrow that Andrew had shot him with had dissipated into ash, it does little to calm his nerves. Varian had already died once. He’s sure he can’t go through that process again, but it doesn’t mean he’d be willing to go through anymore pain than he’s already in.

Andrew looks absolutely livid; even moreso than when he had stopped their plans from destroying Corona. Hell, compared to when the Saporian had killed him, he seems livelier in his fury, which…is odd.

They both still hold the shattered remnants of their lives. Both he and Andrew look to very much be the complete opposite of dead. But, he remembers—there is no going back to Corona.

_Traitors to Saporia pay with their lives._

—And Varian did. He most certainly did pay with his life, but does it truly count if he was running on borrowed time?

“I was _so close_ to reclaiming glory for Saporia.” Somehow, Andrew still found it in himself to smile. It’s a grim look; not how one would actually display happiness. Instead, the smile is mask to hide the entirety of his anger. “We could have overthrown Corona together. You were capable of greatness, but what could I have expected?”

_No, I don’t like this._

“—Once a traitor always a traitor,” Andrew barks. His arms are crossed, but Varian is certain that whatever this lull in action will begin to wane. “Not that I ever considered you an ally or a _friend_.”

Varian is well-aware. They had never been friends, but it doesn’t make those early days he had spent with the Saporians less real. Andrew, Clementine, the others…they weren’t pleasant company by a long shot, but it beat rotting away in prison with only his guilt to plague him every waking minute.

“I just never expected you to backstab us so soon.” Andrew is still smiling, but it is a far-cry from his usual temperance. “We were going to get rid of you as soon as you became useless, but—”

At the corner of his eye, Varian sees the golden-haired princess move towards Andrew.

“Look at what happened? You killed us both.” It is quiet…this silence is unpleasant and sickeningly thick. Varian wants it to end, and…this game…do they still have to play it?He looks towards Rapunzel, who merely nods in affirmation.

Varian turns, but there is an all-consuming weariness to be found as he picks up the bow and arrow. It’s no good; what point is there to this?

“Do you know how hard it was listening to you constantly whine and complain?” Andrew mocks, taking another step closer. “The princess betrayed me, my father’s was trapped in amber, ‘I’ need to get out of here.”

“I’m glad you’re finally dead,” he says, visibly seething. “But it’s a shame I had to join you.”

Andrew scowls as soon as he realizes what exactly Varian is planning. This deathless match is pointless. He raises one foot, only…to trip over a bundle of…hair……?

Immediately, a sharp clang resonates throughout the room as the sound of metal bashing against a hard object is heard. Varian turns towards the noise in alarm, only to see Andrew face-down on the floor, and ‘Rapunzel’ standing triumphantly over him while wielding a frying pan.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment since he first got in here,”

Silence has enveloped the room.

The arrow had landed exactly on the bull’s eye, as Varian had intended.

\---

Varian was falling. It was a sensation that he had grown worryingly complacent to. He had nearly fallen to his death when Andrew had held him out of that ship. But, that had not been the only instance—he was close to getting impaled when he assisted Rapunzel in stopping the red rocks, only to fall into a trap. There was also that one harrowing experience when he had fallen from a great height at the base of an ancient Demanitus machine and when he nearly fell out of Cassandra’s castle. Even in his nightmares, he had nearly fallen after having his first encounter with Zhan Tiri.

He is sure he’s had more near death experiences up to this point than most people have had in their lifetimes, but that is nigh and beside the point. No matter how far he had gotten, it does not change the fact that still… _still_ , he had failed.

Already, his vision had gone. Or, maybe it was the crisp night air that had caused him to shut his eyes. He is sure that he hears something…yelling, maybe……? A gruff male voice. Whoever it is, he seems angry. There is shouting, the sound of snapping twigs and falling stone.

It all happens in an instant.

Varian is sure he has hit the ground; the aching feeling in his bones had made him far too aware of it. His skull has cracked; he should be well and truly dead. The memory should end, but now—

He is watching it from the outside as if he were a bystander, or a member of the audience viewing a macabre play. Varian is surprised. Why is he still seeing this? He had not been around to witness this next progression of events, but…here he is. His bloodied corpse on the ground, and he, a ghost, on the sidelines.

Varian is well and truly surprised. _Rapunzel_ was there. The princess was looking worse for wear. Obviously, she had seen better days…but, here she was—the princess, no, the queen that she had become. She had long since hacked off her golden locks; instead, she sported short brown hair. Normally an image of happiness, she was distressed.

_I caused this._

His heart drops at the realization that perhaps, Rapunzel had fallen _off_ the cliff with him. It could explain why his corpse did not look as shattered as he was dreading, but as he looks down at Rapunzel—clutching the past version of him as she weeps; he…wishes he could communicate with her. Tell her that none of this was her fault.

He wishes they had never met, if only to spare them both from the pain.

Varian watches as Rapunzel gently sets him down, avoiding the arrow that is still lodged in his chest. She grips at her hair, only to find that nothing is there. Rapunzel curses, which would catch Varian off in most circumstances. The hair that had shackled her for most of her life…he could tell that in this moment, she would have done anything to gain it back.

_Flower, gleam and glow_

Rapunzel is singing, but it hopeless. The future that she wants to reclaim is trapped in a tower, much like she had been not too long ago.

_Let your power shine_

Her voice is shaky, her eyes closed.

_Make the clock reverse_

He wants to tear his eyes away, but…he cannot. His feet are planted firmly on the ground, as if something has nailed him to the spot.

_Bring back what once was mine_

The song continues on. Rapunzel’s song is beautiful, but there is an underlying, all-consuming sadness in her voice.

_What once was mine……_

As her song concludes, so, too, does her hope of bringing back the future that had been lost. She opens her eyes, only to press her hands to her face, shoulders shaking as she lets out an anguished sob.

_Why did he have to leave? Why hadn’t he listened? More than wanting to live, he…all he wanted was for her sunny smile to return._

There is nothing more that he would like than to burn this sight from his memory, but it still continues. Endlessly. He watches as Rapunzel looks towards his glassy blue eyes. Raising one shaking hand, she carefully reaches for his wrist.

A moment passes and then another. It is a slow, agonizing wait, but eventually, she releases his wrist from her grip. There is a small, faint smile on her lips. But, it is not a happy one. Tears continue to cascade from her face, but Varian cannot possibly begin to imagine what it is supposed to mean.

Her smile should indicate happiness, but her tears beg to differ. If it is a look of mourning or…something else, he does not know.

His heart breaks to leave his friends behind. He had promised the princess once, all those years ago, to right his wrongs. To become a better person; one that everyone can be proud of.

Distantly, he wonders what could have changed. All of these near death experiences…only to really, truly die.

Had he always been this reckless? He had known his death would hurt those he loved, but he never expected to see it firsthand. Who could have possibly known he could feel so hurt even though his heart no longer beats?

_I’m…I’m sorry I never valued my life enough._

This game no longer matters. He’s dead. Even if he somehow does reincarnate, he’ll never see Rapunzel and everyone else ever again. At least, not as they had known him and certainly not as he had known _them_.

The forest is alight with mourning—one heard and one unheard.

“It’s time for you to go.”

Varian whirls around, coming face to face with Rapunzel. Not with the Rapunzel still clutching his lifeless corpse, but…this stranger wearing her face. She has a hand outstretched, but he cannot bear to take it. At least, not yet. Not too soon.

“Isn’t there anything you can do?” He listens to Rapunzel’s soft cries. If only she was not oblivious to the fact he was standing a mere few feet away.

The question is out of his mouth before he could even think.

Rapunzel, or ‘Rapunzel’, she merely shakes her head, smiling faintly all the while. He could protest, but…no. There is nothing she or anyone else can do about this. How could Varian have predicted he would have died too soon? Too abruptly, and in such a way as this? Nothing more can be done.

_“Goodbye, Rapunzel.”_ This version of Rapunzel takes his hand into her own, and gently guides them both out of the forest, green eyes never wavering.

He still finds it odd…he is strangely breathless as the distance between him and the Rapunzel he had once known grew further and futher.

_I wish I could have kept my promise._

\---

Every time he relives a memory, it is disorienting. Except, in this instance, the feeling…it is indescribable. Varian feels deep melancholy for a lifetime he had never had, for the future that will never come. They had returned back to this lonesome, purple floor. The targets, bows, arrows, they had vanished, as if they were never here in the first place.

Even Andrew is nowhere to be found. Upon questioning ‘Rapunzel’, she merely gave a cryptic response. They…had learned all that was needed about the Saporian man, and now…he was not required here.

Still, it raises the question as to what exactly Varian was supposed to do here. Had he failed? Is there another game or test he must undergo?

His blood runs cold at the thought that perhaps…his crimes were too deep. They could not possibly determine what, exactly, he’d deserve. Even the void, even the cessation of existence…it was not enough for him.

As if sensing his inner turmoil, Rapunzel laughs. She tells him, no, there’s nothing that he needs to worry about. Apparently she merely wanted to give him some space to _breathe_ …and Varian can certainly see the irony in that. But, the dread is killing him, which, once again—

Hilarious.

All he wants is to get this over with. Wherever he is supposed to go, he cannot take this perpetual state of not knowing. He shakes his head, and at this, Rapunzel sighs. He must be imagining it, because…she seems almost sorrowful as she lowers her gaze.

“Alright,” Rapunzel says. Ruddiger, who had completely diverted from his mind with the whirlwind of emotions and insanity that he had gone through, hops out from seemingly nowhere and into his arms.

They walk and walk….until—

Varian looks up at the strange metallic box that had transported him to this room. Floor seventy-seven…he had never asked how they had constructed a building this tall, but he supposes it does not matter.

In a few seconds, nothing will matter ever again.

He reaches for Ruddiger, intending to give the familiar raccoon back to Rapunzel. Varian knows that wherever his destination, Ruddiger [even a fake version of his raccoon] does not deserve it.

Rapunzel shakes her head.

It is the last sight that he sees before the metallic doors close.

He swears he can hear the harsh, grating sound of a steam engine in the distance, which…is silly. There is nothing more to be heard, nothing more to be said. The raccoon is complacent and still, almost…as if he were a plush doll.

The numbers on this strange metal box slowly diminish. His eyes feel heavy the longer he gazes at them, until…he sees nothing.

\---

The air is crisp, biting in its icy chill. He is certain it’s not winter…no, he knows firsthand just how scathing sleet and snow can be. But, wait…this cannot be right. Varian remembers, he had boarded that strange metallic box.

_Am I dead?_

This cannot be right. He must be; he had seen his own corpse, Rapunzel’s mourning…Andrew shot him. He fell off a cliff. But, that doesn’t explain why he’s still in so much pain.

Maybe this is the afterlife that was determined for him. He still feels as if a wagon hit him head on, and there is still a burning, stinging sensation in his chest. Would this be ‘eternity’ for him? Will he be forced to relive his death over and over and over again?

_“Varian, wake up.”_

A soft voice, hoarse from tears and overuse. He…recognizes that sound. Not too long ago, he had heard her crying over grief that he had caused her…Rapunzel?

Warily, Varian opens his eyes.

Rapunzel appears to be distraught, eyes red and puffy from crying. Still, she…seems happy enough. He can tell as she carefully hugs him, avoiding the arrow trying to not cause anymore stress on his injuries.

This…cannot be. He’s supposed to be dead.

“Why am I here?” Rapunzel’s eyes immediately start watering. Varian regrets it, if only for once again causing…this. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant—”

“Don’t worry, Varian, I’m here,” she says, voice still shaky. “Andrew…you don’t need to worry about him anymore.”

Her eyes wander off not too far ahead.

“Eugene went to get help,’ she says, once again. But her words do not really register, not when the blanket of sleep is beginning to wash over him. “You’ll be okay, Varian. I _promise_. Just, please don’t fall asleep.”

Varian is afraid that is a promise that he will break. With the many promises others had broken to him in the past, he knows how painful it may be. Even Rapunzel had broken her promises before, but…it is not important. He just wants this to end.

He only wants to be happy.

“Please, please, stay,” Rapunzel pleads, tears falling down her face. “I was so scared. When I saw Andrew, the arrow, when you fell off the cliff—”

“Varian, you’re important to me,” she says. “I can’t lose you. Not again.”

His eyes, no longer as glassy, blink back tears. Varian does not know how he had managed to survive such a fall, or why he was sent back here. Grief, anger, none of the emotions he had felt will go away anytime soon. He is far from healed, far from this soul-crushing ache of all the problems he had run away from.

Varian is not alright. Neither is Rapunzel, or…anyone, for that matter. The road to recovery is not easy; no one said it would be.

But, it will be a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, the 'major character death' tag was never meant for Varian! He lives for now....at least in this fic.
> 
> Did anyone notice how many times Varian nearly fell to his death, especially in season 3? It's honestly kind of scary how much death seems to actually follow him.
> 
> Also, Varian's pretty self-deprecating here. He's selfish in his selflessness to the point of self-harm.


End file.
